When my counselor asked if i had been touched in a sexual manner, i paused for a long time because i wasn’t sure if i considered what she did to me, as sexual harassment/rape… I eventually just said “no”.
My best friend was raped by another girl. She went to counseling and now she thinks therapists are BS because it didn’t help her. Her parents died two years ago and she BS’s her therapy now and she cuts/purges/starves. She says she’s over what happened with the other girl, but I don’t think she is. I wish she would talk to me. I believe what happened to her was real.
You want to use the word “raped” to describe what happened to you. Because that’s what happened to you, that’s what it truly feels like. But you don’t want to be dismissed even more by the world in case it ever found out that the rapist was a “she.” Because, the way they see it, rape without a dick is not rape.
So you minimize your experience and use the words “sexually assaulted” instead. It hurts like hell; it’s not the full truth. And you’re lying for everyone else’s benefit. It is maddening. T.T
Oh wow. This means a lot to me. So much. Thank you for writing to me, seriously. I wasn’t sure if anyone would find this page or relate… I wish there were more posts, too. It’ll feel kinda strange, but maybe I’ll just post my own experiences for a while, until I get submissions. I also don’t feel quite so alone now… Thank you again. :)
I gathered enough courage to tell my mom that I was assaulted. She cried and hugged me and rocked me back and forth, cursing all men everywhere the entire time. When she calmed down a bit, I had to gather even more courage than before so that I could tell her that it wasn’t a “he” who assaulted me. It was a “she”.
My mother instanly stopped crying, the horror left her eyes, and she almost seemed light and bubbly. “Oh, when I was around your age, there was a girl who had a crush on me and she was relentless!”
The pain I felt at that moment is indescribable.
No one ever takes what happened seriously because it isn’t even a possibility in their minds. At least with man-on-woman rape no one doubts that the man had the potential to rape the woman.
This hurts so fucking much.